Undoubtedly we’ve run into the same people over and over on our thousands of flights. Sometimes we’re surprised and run into really great people, but sometimes we run into the clichés that keep travel interesting, and give us stories to share with those friends back home when we return.
These are the six people we meet over and over and over:
1. The Man Above FAA Regulations: This is the guy who talks on his phone until the plane flies high enough to disconnect the signal, even though the flight crew has asked him to stop talking four times. He’s removing his legal pad and iPad from his overhead luggage while the seatbelt sign is on, and he’s standing in the aisle stretching his legs when the pilot has announced the final descent.
2. That One Straight Male Flight Attendant: The male flight attendant going out of his way to talk to random passengers about women, cars, and liquor in an attempt to prove he’s straight. His hand signals during the emergency exit are a little too exaggerated.
3. The Well-Rested Espresso Fiend: She’s so perky, and although you got on the plane with your hoodie up, your headphones bumping the new Adele, and a look on your face that reads “I’ve had 30 minutes of sleep, leave me alone,” she’s going to start conversation the second you sit down. She’ll go on about her kids, her hope for good plane food, your recent travels, and what you should do when you arrive in the city. No, she’s not tired, but I recommend you telling her you are.
4. The Weak Bladder Who Requested a Window Seat: They will wake you up from one of the best dreams of your life to get out of the row to make a run for the bathroom. They are inconsiderate bastards who should be forced to stay in their seat the entire flight.
5. The Snorer: I’m almost certain they know how bad they snore, but feel it isn’t their problem since they’re not the ones who have to suffer through it. I’m known for nudging or punching these people because they should be. Also, don’t be afraid to steal their things as revenge for your suffering.
6. The “Do You Mind If I Sit Here,” Lady: She’s in your window seat when you get there, waiting to ask “do you mind?” Yes, you mind. Now tell her to grab her personal item from under the seat in front of her and move her ass to that middle or aisle seat so you can rest and gaze.