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Dear Flyers With Babies

Dear Flyers With Babies:

How sensitive are we supposed to be to you and your crying child? Like you, we boarded the plane hoping to look out the window at the sun, listen to the three good songs on Drake’s new album, and maybe drink out two sips worth of juice in peace. But that dreams ends when your child decides to cry, disrupting all of life, making it the most uncomfortable flight ever.

Most passengers will pretend to not hear it, but glance over their shoulder at you every so often, hinting at you to try something different to shit the child the hell up. I just stare ahead hoping someone is as courageous as the man who slapped the child on the plane months ago. While I think he should be stabbed with a hot spoon for calling the child a “nigger baby,” I would high five him for the rest.

I know the disagreements exist. Mothers especially will be sympathetic, but I will tell you like I tell the airline representatives when I call requesting part of my payment back, “babies are for the greyhound.”

Let us fly in peace.

Darnell Lamont Walker, a self-professed traveling foodie, has been found sitting at tables eating baby goat sweetbreads, drinking tequila, and laughing loudly with strangers. The writer, filmmaker, artist, and sometimes photographer puts happiness above all.

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