Like Daddy Fat Sacks, I’d just puffed a whole order of that Presidential, my heart was beating so damn fast. And I sat there, stuck, wondering why I went back on my promise to never smoke weed again. But hey, I was traveling, I met some strangers, and much like losing your virginity in 8th grade, peer pressure is a motherfucker!
I imagine any true soccer mom could find what she’s looking for in any town if she truly wanted it. Hell, during my dark days, I may have sold to those soccer moms. This post isn’t for her. This is for those who have a connect back home, but are now traveling the world, knowing their amazing trip could be much better if only they knew where to buy their drugs in these new spaces.
Side Note: I hate that we call the things listened below “drugs.” But hey…
ATTENTION: Stop asking the front desk man at your hostel or hotel where the dope is. They don’t know if you’re the feds, but they do now know that you may bring danger into their space. This goes for your Innclusive host, too. Don’t you dare let those people know you plan to do drugs in their house. Sometimes, depending on the vibe of the hotel, you can ask the Concierge, but feel him out.
WHERE TO GO:
1. Your Uber Driver: These guys are definitely the plug. Of course, not all of them, but you know how to feel a person out, surely. I had an Uber driver in Colombia who offered me Coke, Weed, Women, and Linen. I mean, come on! If you’re letting strangers get into your backseat for a few bucks, surely you’re hip to some other hustles, right?
2. The Semi-Adults In All Black With Spiked Hair At The Park: These are your people! And if they don’t have it on them, they know exactly where you can go. Hell, they’ll smoke you out for free and maybe even give you an LSD tab. This method has been proven time and time again.
3. The Beach: Just head on down there in your bathing suit, chill, look for the man with the fanny pack but no product. He got you!
4. Dating Apps: You know I advocate heavily for dating apps, but they are definitely one of the best apps to find more than just a hookup. Don’t be too afraid to put your vice on their. If you want shrooms, say that! These people don’t know you, and you don’t have time to waste. Don’t pussyfoot around the subject. “Hey, I’m in town for a few days. Looking for shrooms, weed, coke, and molly. Know anyone? Message me.”
5. The Club: For obvious reasons! Look for those people going into the bathroom two at a time. They’re doing coke. The smokers will be chilling outside. You can smell that easily. The molly is everywhere. There’s typically a resident dealer in there, just don’t look shady, and don’t ask for the drugs like you’re the feds.
6. Craigslist: Yep. That’s all I gotta say about that. Most are delivery. If you are skeptical, give them a central place to meet you and arrive early to peep the scene. I know at least 30 people who’ve scored from CL, and not one bust.
7. The Sex Workers: Go to Back Page or any prostitution site and you will win. One way or another.
8. Social Media: Just ask. Create a Facebook or Twitter status: “Anybody got a connect in XXX? DM me.” Someone will respond.
In reality, everyone wants to be “the plug,” so finding the drugs will be much easier than you can imagine. For negotiation purposes, it’s important you know the average cost of what you want. Prices below are based on quality product and what I know folks are currently paying in some places:
A. Weed: $15 gram
B. Coke: $100 gram
C. MDMA / Ecstasy: $20 pill
D. Shrooms: $35 eighth
E. LSD: $10 per tab
Be careful of the neighborhoods you go into and the people you’re dealing with. A guy once took my friends’ money because we put too much trust in him, and he disappeared into the hood of Curacao. If I ever see him again, it’s going down, even though the naivety was my fault. Lesson Learned: If they don’t have it on them, they may not have it or if he has to walk far, forget about it.
If you plan to take the drugs with you on the plane because they were that amazing, be careful. Know the law, be ready to accept the punishment, and have on a great pair of running shoes.
Avoid the hard stuff, know the law (whether you obey or not), and enjoy your trip!
Darnell Lamont Walker, a self-professed traveling foodie, has been found sitting at tables eating baby goat sweetbreads, drinking tequila, and laughing loudly with strangers. The writer, filmmaker, artist, and sometimes photographer puts happiness above all.