‘Tis the season for delayed and cancelled flights! Why not prepare for the foolishness ahead of time, instead of being one of those people standing at the counter, attempting to cuss out the gate agent who clearly does not care about you and the family you’re trying to get to.
Here are several things you can do in the airport when you flight is cancelled or delayed:
1. Create a fake identity and start talking to the angry people at the gate, making up the most interesting stories possible.
2. Carry a deck of cards with you. Pull them out and announce loudly, “Anyone know how to play spades?” or whatever card game you know.
3. Create a commercial for the airline using your cell phone and willing passengers.
4. Invite a cute passenger on a date to the airport food court.
5. Ask “does anyone know Yoga?” Of course at least 5 passengers will. Ask them to lead a session.
6. Use social media and find out who’s also stuck in the airport and invite them over for a photo shoot.
7. Steal two courtesy wheelchairs and race another passenger to another Terminal.
8. Ask the bookstore cashier if you can borrow a book. If she says no, sit in there and read it.
9. Act like a passenger greeter to the passengers getting off flights.
10. Learn the Lion King opening song. Teach it to 3 others. Sing it loudly like you’re the Broadway cast.
11. Ask each passenger, “Are you the Air Marshall?”
12. Get your phone in order. Clear those notifications, start using your calendar, and finally do that update.
And my favorite of all:
Pull out those drugs you’re smuggling, or head on over to the bar, and elevate your mood! Whatever you decide to do, DO NOT look suspicious.
Darnell Lamont Walker, a self-professed traveling foodie, has been found sitting at tables eating baby goat sweetbreads, drinking tequila, and laughing loudly with strangers. The writer, filmmaker, artist, and sometimes photographer puts happiness above all.